The "Snaggle Toothed Haggler"

I know the title to this post just grabbed your attention. Well I am leaving my usual heartfelt & sometimes humorous posts on the side today & replacing them for a story that is mostly about me venting my disgust for those who were not raised properly & who fall under the title of idiot. I participated in a community yard sale yesterday that involved about 13 families, each holding yard sales at our homes, passing out maps to customers to lead them to all the other sales. I was ready to clean out my basement & make a little extra cash so I joined in. Having a yard sale in Joe City is kinda fun & as Paul Hatch put it, "It's really just a social thing & gives us an opportunity to cross ward boundaries". I love Paul, he's our town poet, a man with great humor & an appreciation for all things "Joe City'ish". I really enjoyed myself. I visited with a lot of people I haven't seen in a while. Some even came from the neighboring towns. I visited with my old boss from a job I had in highschool, I saw two sisters that I used to babysit, even some parents of kids I had coached on the swim team back when I used to be a lifeguard. Now if you have ever held a yard sale yourself, you have learned that when you advertise in the local paper you are inviting anyone who can read to come to your house & look over your wares & the later the hour, the lower the caliber of customer. Such was the case yesterday. After a perfectly enjoyable morning of socializing & watching all of my clutter walk out of my yard I decided to start cleaning up. When up drove my last customer. "I heard there was a yard sale here, but it doesn't look like much of one", he said. After a morning of polite pleasantries I was taken aback by his rudeness. I looked up to see a kid about 18 or 19 years of age with very bad teeth & wearing a t-shirt that read, "I put the Laughter in Slaughter". It was immediately apparent to me that a complete idiot had just walked into my yard. Now keeping to my code to "never argue with an idiot", (refer to my list of favorite quotes) I bit my tongue & I replied that it was late & that I had most everything cleaned up already but he was welcomed to look at anything that was still out. As he was looking around I realized I had seen this person before but I couldn't remember where. He made his way around all the tables. He soon came upon the pocket knife that Nic had put in the sale because it didn't work right & he wanted to get rid of it. This person picked up the pocket knife & started opening it & closing it over & over again. Clearly it didn't work properly. He looked up at me & asked me whose knife it was. I told him that it belonged to my son & I pointed to Niclaas who was standing on the porch behind me. To which he replied, "Hey Lad", speaking to Nic, "come over here for a minute". Now you have to realize that from this moment on there are two conversations going on, the one in my head & the one that I actually speak, this is what is required when keeping to the code. In my head I am saying "Who in the hell does this kid think he is calling Nic "Lad", he's all of 18 years old himself, where does he think he is, at some renaissance fair or something!" Nic walked over to him & then he asked, "Where did you get this blade?" to which Nic said "I don't remember". He then said, "Well, I'm a bladesmen & this is an unsafe blade." Now in my head I'm saying "Blades men! You can't even brush your teeth!" But what I actually said was, "Excuse me, you do not need to lecture my son. His father is an avid hunter and has taught his son what he needs to know". "Well", he said, "I wasn't lecturing him, I was just trying to tell him that this blade is unsafe". Again in my head my reply was, "Okay idiot, your at a freakin' yard sale not "Bo's Blades-R-Us", we know it's broke, that's why it's in a yard sale!" He kept trying to explain to Nic & I what was wrong with the knife, it was easy to see that he was trying to get me to go down on the price of the knife so in my total disgust I finally looked at him & said, "Listen, if you want the knife then pay the price that's on it or leave it". He mumbled something & then put the knife down & left. As he walked back to his truck the conversation in my head was now coming out of my mouth which really caught the attention of Annelie & Nic. I looked at my kids & said "There are all kinds of idiots in this world & one of them just drove off"! In that moment I remembered where I had seen him before, he's the kid that bagged my groceries last week! I can't wait to go do my weekly grocery shopping, "Hey Lad, can you please double bag the canned items, it's unsafe when the bag tears & cans go rolling everywhere"!